The Confession!

An hour and 45 more problems to go. "A Piece of cake", he thought to himself. He finished the test in time, albeit guessing three problems on the go. An otherwise social person, locking himself up in his room was a habit while he studied or did any important work. The clock struck an 8:30 pm on a formerly lazy Saturday evening.

These days, it was getting difficult for him to curb the anticipation of receiving a message or a phone call from this certain someone. He checked the phone to find 18 whatsapp messages on a family group, one reminder to pay the internet bill and a text message on 'Free car loans'. Nothing from her. Slightly disappointed, he turned to make himself some Maggi noodles for dinner. The cook had bunked today, fourth day in a row.  An episode of Modern Family ensued an hour later and a familiar ringtone jolted him to life.

"Want to get some Haagen-Dazs post dinner?". His lips said a 'Yes!" before he typed a forcibly-nonchalant "Well, sure" and agreed to meet in half an hour.

They both liked the same kind of songs. Well, almost. He would always be DJ on their drives together, sometimes forcing her to listen to songs she may not necessarily like. She would act grumpy but listen to them anyway, with a smile stifled in her eyes. It had been two months since they met at the Tennis Coaching Classes but only a couple of weeks since they actually 'met' elsewhere, informally. 

"Two scoops of Mango please", she ordered, waiting for him to pick. "Tender coconut. Make that a cone." He wasn't a fan of ice creams to say the least. It was her. It was her company that made him want the ice cream on a freezing winter night.

She turned up the heat in the car, noticing that he was cold yet not complaining. Initially, they ate in silence, intermittently looking at one another, speaking a bit and then pausing again. He could tell that she was nervous from the way she would clasp her hands together before having a serious conversation with him. She was having butterflies in her stomach for what she was about to tell him. She took a deep long breath, gazed him in the eye and finally said it.   

"I'd prefer to be blunt with you. I would be lying if I denied this untapped chemistry between us and I'd definitely like to get to know you better. This may be too soon, or not. Too much, or not. You don’t have to answer anything right now but I assure you that, you and I, 'Us'… is worth it."

As happy as he was, was partially surprised and more so impressed by her honest demeanor.  He looked at her for a minute, agape, not knowing what to say. He was waiting to hear this and now when she did say it all, he had frozen in time. She reached out to hold his hand and a sudden warmth, like never before, spread into his body. She undid her seat belt. A hug broke the ice in an instant and he was back to his senses. Neither of them wanted to let go.

  

Tucked into his bed, he picked up the phone to text her before he slept.

"Hey,
I had a great time today. Thanks…for everything"

"Hey, my pleasure. And likewise. So… if you want to talk about this later, we could"

"Well, I think we are on the same page now :)"

"I think so too.

Strong enough to stand alone, Different enough to stand apart, But wise enough to stand together. That's us.

Good night :)"

Carpe Diem!

You know what they say about life

Sometimes, life is one helluva roller coaster ride. On other occasions, a period of lull with nothing noteworthy instilling a feeling of stagnation. Troubled times feel like a bereft chapter from the book of life that we wish to get over with. Through all the highs and lows and the trials and tribulations, we pick up a lesson or two en route, which stay with us for the years to come. 
Here's reiterating a few etched into my psyche.

I've learnt to ignore the unimportant and value what really matters. I've learnt to let go, to not trust too blindly, to not fret over things beyond my control, to never give up, to be blunt and speak my mind, to differentiate between cost and worth, to not judge too quickly, to find happiness in the smallest of things, to acknowledge and appreciate a simple good gesture by someone else, to use my mistakes and failures as a lesson and to forgive and forget. I've realized that life is and will be unfair but that the metaphorical 'Karma' is for real. I've seen friends become complete strangers and strangers become more than just friends.

Nothing holds us back more than our own fears and insecurities. So, take that leap of faith; take that chance. The best things most usually happen to us when we least expect them to. Believe in the decisions you take, that would make them right in themselves.

Sign off each day with better hopes for what comes next,

And remember to Carpe the hell out of that one!

The Break of a new dawn

It was past midnight. Most parts of the the city were sleeping. It had rained throughout the day and there was a sublime coolth in the air. The birds had withdrawn into their cozy nests. Dogs had curled up below parked vehicles. A few, weary cars were zooming past the erstwhile busy roads. Almost every person in the city was in the realms of his/her dreams. And there were these two souls, wide awake. 

His phone beeped with a message "Awake?". 

"Yes", he answered promptly.

"I know this is an odd time but…do you maybe want to meet?". It was an assertion more than a question.

"Sure, I’ll pick you up in 10".

The cold wind was biting at her through her linen kurta. She never cared much about the weather, but hated the rains. For the mucky, mushy, wet feeling that followed you everywhere you went that season. Unless you were sitting at home and sipping a cup of hot filter coffee, reading your favorite book. That was her utopian setting for the monsoons. In her anxiety of meeting him, she’d forgotten her warm woolen scarf back home today. His terrace was a quiet, spacious place with a lot of room to walk and artificial grass turfs along the perimter to relax your feet on. An eerie silence loomed over the high rise tonight, the floor and the surroundings misty and cold from the downpour earlier in the day. They were meeting after what seemed like months. They had not spoken at length for a while. 

He beckoned her to sit on a bench by the protected ledge. They had a full view of the neighborhood and the intersecting roads. The sky was immaculate with not a single star in sight. It was as if it had conspired to be a blank slate tonight. Although still dark, the sky had turned a slight hue of orange at places giving it a unique shade, as if for the occasion of their meeting. They sat inches away from each other and stared into oblivion. Hundreds of thoughts running in each of their minds, waiting to be translated into words; Emotions waiting to be manifested in the form of a smile, a frown or a tear. But neither of them uttered a word. Today, the silence between them spoke volumes.

He looked at her with eager eyes. "Say something. Anything!", he thought in his head. She looked right back at him, as if she’d heard him and said "Thanks, for doing this. And for everything. Sometimes all you need is a person you can just sit with, not having to talk anything to, not having to explain anything to and not having to worry about being judged for anything you do or say. I.. Just, thanks for being there for me". She smiled nervously, awaiting a response. His face broke into a warm reassuring smile. He was yearning to hear her voice. These words were like music to his hears. He held her hand and said “I’ll always be there for you. And no matter what happens, I’ll always have your back”. She didn’t know how to react. It was an inexplicable feeling of comfort, of happiness, of a confused state of emotions.  

Just moments later, they felt tiny droplets of water on their faces. It had started drizzling. The heavens had opened their gates to yet another shower upon the earthlings. The wind was blowing a gale. It was freezing cold up there. But this time, she didn’t need a scarf. She stood right on the edge of the terrace, feeling secure, her arms wide open, she embraced the rains. A feeling of freedom, of happiness, of sheer joy encapsulated her. She was one with the wind and sky. She looked back. His beaming countenance was overjoyed to see her smiling after what seemed like eons. And then he hugged her; a warm, tight, buoyant hug that said more than words could.

Bittersweet symphony ringing in her ears, she didn’t hate the rains anymore!

Querencia!

John Jeremiah Sullivan defines 'Querencia’ as an untranslatable Spanish word that means something like 'the place where you are your most authentic self'. It comes from the verb 'querer', which means to desire, to want.

I read this word in the section on ‘The Speaking tree’ in the daily noose [pun intended]. It intrigued me. Close your eyes for ten seconds and think of a place or a thing or an activity that makes you feel one with yourself? Think about the number of times you resort to it to connect with yourself? For some, the mere act of meditation does the trick. For the majority of messed up souls, there is the need of a panacea that keeps one at peace. A place within the mind, where one feels at home. If you haven't found you'rs yet, go discover...!

And just as I pen this, I realize, how much I’ve missed writing. Writing is one of my ‘Querencias’. It liberates me.

A person can have a zillion things that makes them feel free, motivated and in harmony with their inner self. I have a couple myself. Music, dance, travelling and yes, writing. I decided to finally get myself out of my self-imposed stupor of well, more than for years and get back to expressing myself on paper. What kept me busy? Well, Life. A new job, a new city, new people. More on those later :)

With thousands of memories and emotions queued up in my head, I’d like to begin my journey as a blogger yet again, with a fresh new perspective, albeit the same old me!

God, Have Mercy....

Sanjay Leela Bhansali has churned out some of the most unforgettable, disparate and amazing pieces of cinema that we have today. Starting with Khamoshi, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Black to name a few and now Guzaarish. Hats off to this one.

Serious issue. Crisp story. Impeccable direction. Diverse and fresh cast. Flamboyant sets. Grandiose art. Plethora of emotions. Good acting. Hrithik Roshan. Flawless! Everything that makes for a sensible movie in today’s age. No item numbers for promotion’s sake, gaudy costumes, family drama or dance sequences with a crowd of 200 extras. Just plain fine cinema.

One of the things that intrigued me about the movie besides the ones mentioned before has to be the topic dealt with in the movie. Euthanasia or Mercy killing is something we all are aware of today. Our constitution doesn’t allow for this under law and has ruled it as crime. I really wonder what the punishment for contemplating the breach of a law such as this for the victim in this case would be. Death penalty? Ironically, that would serve the purpose, won’t it? Throughout the movie, I was in two minds, thinking had I been in the position of the judge, would I rule the case in favour of or against Ethan Mascarenhas.

Life’s a gamble. True. Sometimes you win, other times you lose. You don’t always get what you want and when you do, that’s not what you want at that point of time. Expect the unexpected! For some, the breath of fresh air early in the morning fills them with hope, happiness and the urge to live. For some, every single breath only kills them further. Think about those unfortunate few for whom life isn’t exactly a bed of roses. There maybe thousands of people around the world with conditions like Ethan as portrayed in the movie. As said “If every person has the right to live, they must also be endowed with the right to not live.” Each individual is responsible for his or her life. We are not liabilities. This shouldn’t be misconstrued as advocating suicide. But the human body has a certain threshold of endurance which when surpassed to an extreme limit leaves you asking for freedom from the predicament. For Ethan, it was freedom from life.

Then again, Life is God’s gift. Our parents, family, friends are all a part of our lives and have their rightful claim on us but the ultimate power rests with the almighty. He gives, he takes away. We have no right to destroy something that’s not our creation. He makes everything happen for a reason. But it’s hard to fathom why misfortunes as with Ethan befall people. What reason could that be? To teach you to live on your own, teach you to appreciate what you have in life which perhaps you wouldn’t have otherwise. Or to completely fetter you for a lifetime such that even breathing feels burdensome. A debatable topic it’ll always remain. Highly subjective. And I’m still reserved about my opinion.

Either ways..God,have Mercy...
God bless.

Two and a half Idiots....

Disclaimer: Sometimes you come across articles so amazingly true,you cant help but love them for the genius they are.The following blog is one I couldn't refrain from sharing although it isn't written by me.(Guest Blog Courtesy: Pramod Kantak).


I respectfully disagree with whoever christened the television “the idiot box”. To me it qualifies as a half idiot. It is a machine after all, with no intelligence of its own, and there’s nothing it can do to alter its natural state of idiocy. I reserve the term idiot for those who have the ability to help their idiocy, but do not exercise it. Which brings me to the other two protagonists of this feature, the two real idiots who sit on either side of the half idiot, namely the television media and the viewers.

Put a dog in a small colony, and he will blend right in and dedicate his loyalties to the place and the people therein. Now, bring in more dogs, give them a bone each, and you will see their priority shifting immediately to marking and protecting their own territory and their bone. If endowed with a brain like humans, each will likely even set out to prove he is the best dog of the lot. All while the bigger and the original cause of guarding the colony is forgotten. The media scenario today is not altogether different. Society’s proverbial watchdog has been reduced to watching out for its own tail and protecting its business profitability.

Marketing is possibly the worst curse to have befallen business acumen. It’s the real villain of modern times, a fatal poison to credibility and purpose. What makes it so dangerous is that unlike most forms of evil, which are in-your-face and characterized by a strong motivation or psyche, marketing doesn’t have a color of its own. Its manner of attacking is ingeniously simple – it will identify a weakness in you, a want or a desire for something, and dish out unending portions of the same in varied forms, spoiling you for choice. Unfortunately, humans do have a tendency to choose those very things that are worst for them.

I feel society today (and here, I am particularly referencing the population that makes for the TRPs) chooses style over substance, libido over love, attitude over empathy, money over matter, indifference over action, dreams over reality – traits that are only too clearly reflected in the progressively degenerate content being churned out on television, and which is lapped up by the audiences. A predictable fallout of marketing over-kill, electronic media, far from being informative, entertaining or even rousing has instead turned into a relentless assault on our senses, so much that it has numbed our intelligence into accepting almost anything.

How else do you explain the popularity of reality shows, which, apart from being obviously rigged are horrible concoctions of skin show, abrasive language, faked emotions and brand endorsements? Then you have endless meandering soap sagas shot in super slow motion, bringing out every conceivable human fallacy and gloating in the supposed inevitability of it all. I personally feel bad for the numerous participants in the dime-a-dozen talent shows being aired today – here are a bunch of really talented youngsters, reduced to puppets at the hands of the producers of the show, while a host of “expert” judges plumb new depths in buffoonery and who, if anything, inadvertently evoke our sympathy for the mockery on show. And here’s the crowning horror, an indelible blemish in the history of television – the sanctity of the delicate bond of marriage being desecrated in an ill-conceived ‘swayamvar’ on TV. And to think, there are actually takers for this insanity. Shame on you, India!!

Leave aside entertainment. News channels are supposed to be the ears, eyes and the voice of millions. It’s therefore despairingly sad to often see them fall over each other to break news of such insignificance as a celebrity break-up, or watch them pry into and publicize the personal details of certain individuals – deceased or alive. Nauseating as these instances are, they are also an amazing revelation of the levels to which both, our intelligence and our morality, have sunk. It’s hard to believe this is true-blood journalism. Indeed, it’s hard to believe in the sincerity of anything at all, when the media, which wields the torch of freedom in one hand, has the other hand buried in a snake-pit alive with the vested interests of political powers, business magnates, celebrity ranks and the media owners themselves. Media is war and media people mercenaries, simultaneously its victims and perpetrators.

Speaking of war, try and remember the last time some really grave news, or an issue of national consequence and social ramifications caught your attention. How long did you dwell on that news, and why? Was it because it concerned the well-being of someone personally connected to you, or was it purely a humane reaction? More importantly, what did you try and do about it? I suspect an overwhelming majority, including me, would answer the last question in the negative. We would have, as the smart-generation lingo goes, “moved on” with our lives within days of the occurrence fading from the media. Funnily, moving on, today is the equivalent of driving past an accident site with only half your attention on the road ahead because you are too busy checking out the rear-view mirror.

Our society is constituted by an increasing percentage of youth enamored by starry-eyed ambitions of fame, power, luxury and pleasure; the harsh realities afflicting millions other less fortunate mortals be damned. On the other hand, we have a population of elders, who justifiably feel disconnected with the lifestyle and mindset of their succeeding generations, and would do anything to escape into a world still rooted in traditions they can call their own. Combine the above two classes of people together and you pretty much have your television audience base covered. It’s only coincidental they are both, in their own way, running away from reality or have arrived at their own impressions of what is real.

When I was a kid, there used to be such a thing as a circus. It used to be full of entertainers – jokers, ringmasters, gymnasts – people who would do all sorts of things ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous, all with the sole objective of drawing you away from your mundane real life and into a magic world where the unthinkable is possible; where everything is swell; where you want to suspend your disbelief for a moment, and believe with open-eyed wonderment that you are witnessing something special. The media and the television, today serve the exact same purpose. You get exactly what you want. You want to be fooled.

- Pramod Kantak

I....

I… I wake up. I sleep. I dream. I pray. I’m happy. I eat. I drink. I walk. I sprint. I run. I stop. I like. I care. I love. I trust. I respect. I pray. I smile. I cry. I laugh. I listen. I speak. I understand. Sometimes I don’t. I don’t give up. I decide. I hold on.I continue. I hope. I wish. I’m disappointed. I learn. I fall. I’m hurt. I realize. I smile. I shop. I party. I enjoy. I dance. I work. I party harder. I study. I Ideate. I idolize. I meditate. I read. I’m at peace. I sing. I’m on a high. I argue. I listen. I accept. I justify. I explain. I travel. I observe. I sympathize. Sometimes I don’t. I dislike. I hate. I forget. Sometimes I don’t. I smile. I find peace. I forgive. Sometimes I don’t. I’m human. I feel. I care. Sometimes I should not. Still I do. I’m scared. I think. Sometimes I don’t. I’m honest. I’m true. I know. I pray. I’m strong. I’m confident. I’m blissful. I live…I dream! I wake up...



PS: Life can be summed up by the daily things that the ‘I’ within us does. It’s not about feeling self obsessed, narcissist or an egotist… but sometimes it’s really I and I alone that matters the most.